Friday, August 20, 2010
The Child Comparison Game
The other day I ran into an old elementary school friend at the store. This friend has a baby girl who is about 18 months now, and is also halfway through her pregnancy with baby #2, who is a boy for those who would like to know. Since Jaekub is now a year old, the question that often comes up when I run into people is "Is he walking yet?" I honestly hate this question. Its as if since my baby is one year old it is expected that he be a walker, and since he isn't, there is a sense of inadequacy that is implied either with my ability as a mother or my sons development. Well, this friend at the store asked me the dreaded walking question, and I had to say, once again, that no, he is not walking yet. The response that follows the question is something I hate even more then the question itself. That is the part where I get told when their child walked. And just like I figured she tells me that her daughter walked at 11 months! Its all I can do to stand there and smile and say, "he will do it on his own time, I am in no hurry, and I am not worried." Not to mention that in general, boys will hit their milestones later then when girls hit theirs (I know there is an exception to every rule, like I said, in general). I think the thing that bothers me the most about the whole situation is that somehow Jaekub's intelligence and our ability as parents is measured by when he hits his milestones. I can tell you right now that there is nothing wrong with my son. No, he doesn't walk yet, but give him a break he isn't even 13 months old yet. And, he can stand up from a sitting position by himself, he can climb the stairs, again, by himself, he walks along furniture and with his various push toys that he has, and he loves to walk in between mommy and daddy of course while holding our hands. It is not like he is a bump on a log. And one year milestones go beyond walking. Jaekub has great verbal abilities. He can say a variety of words including: hi, cat, car, na-na, water, yellow, up, off, mom-mom, da-da, elmo, grover and quite a few others that I can't think of off the top of my head. He also has some signs that he uses appropriately like thank you, more, food, and please (he doesn't use this one often, but he can use it). I know this is turning into more of a rant then anything, but it is a button that is easily pushed for me. Babies all develop at their own pace. Even the same baby will hit some milestones really early, others on time, and others late. It is unfair to the parents and the child to compare dates of when things happened for anything more then mommies exchanging stories. I know it is exciting when your baby smiles for the first time, sits up on their own, crawls, and walks and as proud parents we want to let the world know. I have no problem with that. Go ahead let us all know! But, when you come across a blog that says baby K giggled at 3 months (that ones for you Caty!) and you have a baby that is 3 and 1/2 and hasn't giggled, don't kick yourself or start worrying that something is wrong with your baby. And on the flip side, if your baby giggled at 6 weeks, don't go broadcasting it all over this proud moms post making her feel bad about her baby's amazing accomplishment. Each baby is different, and that is okay. Jaekub will walk when he is good a ready. I am excited for when that day will come, and when it does I will be shouting it from the rooftops. But, it will be from my own pride, not a game piece to be added to the child comparison game.
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Story of Jaekub
Since most of my posts will probably be about my little man, I thought I would share his story for those of you who may not already know. But first a little background on his mommy and daddy.
I met my husband when I was in 7th grade. We had band together. I have always thought that Matt was cute, but he was a very social person who fit in pretty much everywhere and I... well I wasn't. The next year we had more classes together and kinda ended up in the same social group so we got to hang out a little more. There were many times when we almost hooked up, but one of us was always in a relationship, getting over a relationship, or actively trying to get in one with someone else. This story goes on and on until my sophomore year of high school when I finally made him the one I was actively pursuing. I finally got his attention and after a few weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend. He put up with a lot while we were in high school. I was really insecure, jealous, and emotional. I am one lucky girl that he stuck around. He went to college a year before me, and I followed him to EWU. Through long distance and coming back together we manged to stay a couple and I can even proudly say we were never the on again off again type. We FINALLY got married after my junior year of college after a 4 year engagement and 6 years of dating. It was the perfect wedding to my dream guy.
When we went back to school I got baby fever... bad. One of my best friends had a little girl that I spent a lot of time with and watching her be a mom made me realize that I was ready to be one as well. My whole life I have wanted to be a mommy, but now I knew that I didn't want to wait any longer. It was so bad that I got depressed over it. It was all I could think about. Matt wasn't so sure that he was ready yet, and I wanted it to be a joint decision. After all having a baby would change his life too and I wanted him to be ready to "grow-up." I tried not to push the situation too much because I knew it would only upset him and that would get us no where. I did come up now and then though. On my birthday we went out to dinner with friends. The friend was there with her baby and Matt kept staring down the table. I looked at him and he said, "We can start trying to have one of our own." I asked him if he was sure and that he couldn't back down because we had a table full of witnesses. He said he was sure. I think that I had a smile the size of the world. It was the second best day of my life (third if you know the flip-flop story) and I stopped taking the pill that night.
I did a lot of research on what you should do when you are trying to get pregnant. Foods you should avoid, foods you should eat, no drinking (stopped that weekend), no smoking (not an issue for me), the list goes on. I was determined to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I tried to have the attitude that it will just happens when it happens and to not stress out about it, but as my period got closer I began to feel overwhelmed with hopeful feelings knowing that I would probably get let down since only 25% of women get pregnant their first month off the pill. We went home for around that time and everyone was joking with me that I probably already was pregnant. One of my good friends kept referring to my tummy as baby embryo, my mom said I tasted funny when she licked my face (don't ask), and my Nana mentioned how my hair looked a little darker. I told them all to knock it off because they were all just getting my hopes up and it was just going to be harder when I'm not. When we went back to school I told Matt that I just felt different but he wanted me to wait a week after my missed period so we didn't waste money on a pregnancy test. My plan was to go to the dollar store and get a test and if it was positive I would go get an expensive one to double check. The day before I was going to do that he came home with a triple pack! I drank a whole glass of iced tea trying to make sure that I had enough pee for the test. I went into the bathroom and took the test. The directions said to wait 3 minutes for the results, but as soon as the stick got wet I could see the 2 lines forming. Holy Cow! I think I checked the box about a million times to make sure two lines meant pregnant and it sure did! I called the campus clinic to see how late they were open so I could go confirm what the at home test was telling me. Matt and I happened to be babysitting that night so we loaded up "M" and drove to the clinic. The clinic told me the same thing the at home test did, I was having a baby!!!! I couldn't believe that it happened so fast, but was so very excited at the same time. In 36 weeks I was going to have a little baby.
My pregnancy was pretty easy. I didn't suffer from morning sickness or really anything. Since I already had a bad back I did have some back and hip pain and I ended up getting a little bit of a rash but that was about it. Originally Matt and I did not want to find out the sex. But as the halfway point got closer I decided that I wanted to know. Matt, and most of the rest of my family, tried to get me to stick with the original decision but it was too late. I wanted to know... it was a boy! Only 20 more weeks to go until I got to meet my little man. I loved the experience of being pregnant. I am definitely one of those people that wishes life away saying I can't wait for this to come or for that to be over, but I promised myself that I would not do that with my pregnancy, and for the most part I didn't. I loved hearing his heartbeat at every appointment, I loved feeling him move around, feeling him get the hic-ups (which happened a lot), I loved knowing how he was developing that week, and thinking what a miracle it is that our bodies can create a whole human being! As it got closer though I didn't like not knowing when he was going to be here. Everyday I woke up thinking this could be the day, and every night I went to bed thinking, well, it could be tomorrow.
It was a Saturday evening when I went into labor. It was about 8PM a week before my due date. For awhile I was in denial. I didn't want to be one of those women who went to the hospital with false labor. I did all the things you are supposed to do to make sure that its real. I changed positions, no stopping. I went for a walk, made them come quicker. I was still kind of in denial, no believing this could actually be it. I went to bed trying to "sleep it off," but I couldn't sleep because I was too busy trying to count and time. At about 2AM Matt and I went to Wal-Mart to get some snacks and what not. We weren't really prepared to be heading to the hospital. When we got home my mom came down and told me that we needed to head to the hospital. So we finished getting everything ready and headed to the hospital. Despite being in labor for about 12 hours I was only dilated at a 1, but effacing nicely. They sent me home with some sleeping pills (which made hallucinate about teacups) and told me to come back when I woke up. About 12PM that Sunday I went back in and had dilated to a 4. I don't remember much after that other than I was in a lot of pain and at some point I asked for an epidural, which I did not want. The contractions were coming so fast that one wouldn't even be over before another one would start. I didn't get a break for the last hour or so. The nurse said she had never felt a baby come down on the cervix so hard. Lucky for me, I didn't get the epidural because the anesthesiologist was on call and 45 minutes away. The Dr. had barely made the phone call when I was at a 9.5 and ready to push. I don't think that I pushed for that long. He was just ready to come. He tried to come out with his hand up by his head which ended up making me tear a little and he had his cord wrapped around his neck. He was born at 4:35, about 20 hours after my labor started. Other than needing a little oxygen he was a healthy baby boy. 6lbs 15oz and 18 3/4 inches long. He was tiny. No meat on his bones but the cutest thing I had ever seen. My little boy was finally here. Matt and I had chosen not to name him until he came. We gave him his choices and looked right at us when we said Jaekub. The spelling of his name has two stories. The Jae comes from the Gaelic spelling and the kub is because he is out baby polar bear kub (and in our family we use c's instead of k's). I have been in love since the moment I found out I was pregnant, but seeing him in person and holding him in my arms was a totally different feeling.
So there it is, our own little fairy tale. We still have a long time until happily ever after, but we are happy right now.
I met my husband when I was in 7th grade. We had band together. I have always thought that Matt was cute, but he was a very social person who fit in pretty much everywhere and I... well I wasn't. The next year we had more classes together and kinda ended up in the same social group so we got to hang out a little more. There were many times when we almost hooked up, but one of us was always in a relationship, getting over a relationship, or actively trying to get in one with someone else. This story goes on and on until my sophomore year of high school when I finally made him the one I was actively pursuing. I finally got his attention and after a few weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend. He put up with a lot while we were in high school. I was really insecure, jealous, and emotional. I am one lucky girl that he stuck around. He went to college a year before me, and I followed him to EWU. Through long distance and coming back together we manged to stay a couple and I can even proudly say we were never the on again off again type. We FINALLY got married after my junior year of college after a 4 year engagement and 6 years of dating. It was the perfect wedding to my dream guy.
When we went back to school I got baby fever... bad. One of my best friends had a little girl that I spent a lot of time with and watching her be a mom made me realize that I was ready to be one as well. My whole life I have wanted to be a mommy, but now I knew that I didn't want to wait any longer. It was so bad that I got depressed over it. It was all I could think about. Matt wasn't so sure that he was ready yet, and I wanted it to be a joint decision. After all having a baby would change his life too and I wanted him to be ready to "grow-up." I tried not to push the situation too much because I knew it would only upset him and that would get us no where. I did come up now and then though. On my birthday we went out to dinner with friends. The friend was there with her baby and Matt kept staring down the table. I looked at him and he said, "We can start trying to have one of our own." I asked him if he was sure and that he couldn't back down because we had a table full of witnesses. He said he was sure. I think that I had a smile the size of the world. It was the second best day of my life (third if you know the flip-flop story) and I stopped taking the pill that night.
I did a lot of research on what you should do when you are trying to get pregnant. Foods you should avoid, foods you should eat, no drinking (stopped that weekend), no smoking (not an issue for me), the list goes on. I was determined to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I tried to have the attitude that it will just happens when it happens and to not stress out about it, but as my period got closer I began to feel overwhelmed with hopeful feelings knowing that I would probably get let down since only 25% of women get pregnant their first month off the pill. We went home for around that time and everyone was joking with me that I probably already was pregnant. One of my good friends kept referring to my tummy as baby embryo, my mom said I tasted funny when she licked my face (don't ask), and my Nana mentioned how my hair looked a little darker. I told them all to knock it off because they were all just getting my hopes up and it was just going to be harder when I'm not. When we went back to school I told Matt that I just felt different but he wanted me to wait a week after my missed period so we didn't waste money on a pregnancy test. My plan was to go to the dollar store and get a test and if it was positive I would go get an expensive one to double check. The day before I was going to do that he came home with a triple pack! I drank a whole glass of iced tea trying to make sure that I had enough pee for the test. I went into the bathroom and took the test. The directions said to wait 3 minutes for the results, but as soon as the stick got wet I could see the 2 lines forming. Holy Cow! I think I checked the box about a million times to make sure two lines meant pregnant and it sure did! I called the campus clinic to see how late they were open so I could go confirm what the at home test was telling me. Matt and I happened to be babysitting that night so we loaded up "M" and drove to the clinic. The clinic told me the same thing the at home test did, I was having a baby!!!! I couldn't believe that it happened so fast, but was so very excited at the same time. In 36 weeks I was going to have a little baby.
My pregnancy was pretty easy. I didn't suffer from morning sickness or really anything. Since I already had a bad back I did have some back and hip pain and I ended up getting a little bit of a rash but that was about it. Originally Matt and I did not want to find out the sex. But as the halfway point got closer I decided that I wanted to know. Matt, and most of the rest of my family, tried to get me to stick with the original decision but it was too late. I wanted to know... it was a boy! Only 20 more weeks to go until I got to meet my little man. I loved the experience of being pregnant. I am definitely one of those people that wishes life away saying I can't wait for this to come or for that to be over, but I promised myself that I would not do that with my pregnancy, and for the most part I didn't. I loved hearing his heartbeat at every appointment, I loved feeling him move around, feeling him get the hic-ups (which happened a lot), I loved knowing how he was developing that week, and thinking what a miracle it is that our bodies can create a whole human being! As it got closer though I didn't like not knowing when he was going to be here. Everyday I woke up thinking this could be the day, and every night I went to bed thinking, well, it could be tomorrow.
It was a Saturday evening when I went into labor. It was about 8PM a week before my due date. For awhile I was in denial. I didn't want to be one of those women who went to the hospital with false labor. I did all the things you are supposed to do to make sure that its real. I changed positions, no stopping. I went for a walk, made them come quicker. I was still kind of in denial, no believing this could actually be it. I went to bed trying to "sleep it off," but I couldn't sleep because I was too busy trying to count and time. At about 2AM Matt and I went to Wal-Mart to get some snacks and what not. We weren't really prepared to be heading to the hospital. When we got home my mom came down and told me that we needed to head to the hospital. So we finished getting everything ready and headed to the hospital. Despite being in labor for about 12 hours I was only dilated at a 1, but effacing nicely. They sent me home with some sleeping pills (which made hallucinate about teacups) and told me to come back when I woke up. About 12PM that Sunday I went back in and had dilated to a 4. I don't remember much after that other than I was in a lot of pain and at some point I asked for an epidural, which I did not want. The contractions were coming so fast that one wouldn't even be over before another one would start. I didn't get a break for the last hour or so. The nurse said she had never felt a baby come down on the cervix so hard. Lucky for me, I didn't get the epidural because the anesthesiologist was on call and 45 minutes away. The Dr. had barely made the phone call when I was at a 9.5 and ready to push. I don't think that I pushed for that long. He was just ready to come. He tried to come out with his hand up by his head which ended up making me tear a little and he had his cord wrapped around his neck. He was born at 4:35, about 20 hours after my labor started. Other than needing a little oxygen he was a healthy baby boy. 6lbs 15oz and 18 3/4 inches long. He was tiny. No meat on his bones but the cutest thing I had ever seen. My little boy was finally here. Matt and I had chosen not to name him until he came. We gave him his choices and looked right at us when we said Jaekub. The spelling of his name has two stories. The Jae comes from the Gaelic spelling and the kub is because he is out baby polar bear kub (and in our family we use c's instead of k's). I have been in love since the moment I found out I was pregnant, but seeing him in person and holding him in my arms was a totally different feeling.
So there it is, our own little fairy tale. We still have a long time until happily ever after, but we are happy right now.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
A Year Has Past
As Jaekub's 1 year birthday celebrations come to a close, I am realizing that life is no longer measured in a year, as in January to January, but in Jaekub years; from August 2nd to August 2nd. While Jaekub was eating cake number two last night (which he didn't really care for) my mom and I looked at each other and commented on what a good year it had been and how we would live it all over again. It was then that I realized that my year truly started the day that my son was born and life before then was a different period. I think I could say this a million different ways and still not really make too much sense. My point being that this weekend was the end of a year for me, and the start of a new one.
A lot has happened in a year, mainly me having a baby and starting grad school. It went by so fast. I wish that I would have been better about taking pictures, but that really isn't the type of person that I am. I am a live in the moment type of girl. I don't like watching life pass by behind a camera or stepping away to write down that really amazing milestone. I envy the people that are able to do that. Who have photos of their children everyday... or every week... or every month! Or those mommies out there who are able to tell their children the exact moment they smiled the first time or took that first step. I can tell my son neither of these things, but I know I was there, I know that it was amazing, and to me that is what matters. Plus I am lucky. We live very, VERY, close to family so there are lots of other people around to help me out in the picture taking. And I need all the help I can get.
I honestly can not believe that Jaekub, my son, is a whole year old and that I have completed an entire year of graduate school (HALF WAY DONE!!!). In our family, it is a tradition to sing Happy Birthday at the time the person was born, we did this for Jaekub for the first time yesterday and it brought tears to my eyes. How did my short scrawny newborn turn into an almost toddler with a serious, social personality, "chunky spunky legs," a smile that in his grampa's words makes the whole world stop, and the best kisses and cuddles a mommy could ask for? How did he go from a tiny helpless baby who needed his mommy and daddy to do everything for him to being able to grab his own snack, get the toy that he wants, turn the pages in his books, and climb up the stairs? How did my baby boy go from knowing only reflexes to being able to blow kisses, hold his own cup, say "hi" to anyone, and EVERYONE, and know a horse by sight? He is so smart and getting smarter everyday. I love watching him grow and learn. I love being the mommy and knowing that he loves to listen to music, but not dance; he loves to read, but only the short books; his favorite toy is a box of plastic baggies; he loves ice and to drink from a straw; the biggest smiles come when he gets to play in the front seat of the car; and that I am his mommy, and in the end he is mine.
It makes me sad to know that I will never get to cuddle Jaekub like I did when he was first born and that he is growing so fast. But I am SOOOOO excited to watch him grow and learn this coming year. Because in one year, he will be two, he will be feeding himself, walking, talking, and who knows what else. In one year I will have a Masters degree in counseling psychology, getting a place of our own, and looking for a job. In one year I will be no better at writing things down, or taking pictures, but I will have lived that year. In one year, next August, life will be different then it is today, another year will have past.
From Bear to Sheep
So I have decided to leave Polar Bear status for a little while and become a Sheep... meaning that I am going to follow the herd and start blogging. With school out for the summer, well August, I don't have any papers that I am not writing or tests I am not studying for. With a little free time back I thought I would try out blogging for the summer.
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